Random Acts of Craziness
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: the Smash Mansion is in a mad state of chaotic bedlam as Smashers reduce the manor into a war zone. Ness gets high on sugar and goes on a gun-toting rampage, Fox tries to prevent a crazed Falco from installing a missile launcher, Marth does some idiotic acts and after a bizarre accident, Samus has a infant personality to Zelda's disgust. Hilarity!


**Random Acts of Craziness**

Samus woke up with a long yawn as she rubbed her tired eyes and got out of bed and was about to head down the stairs for breakfast, when the sounds of explosions echoed, followed by some screams

"HELP! HELP! NESS IS SUGAR HIGH AGAIN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Lucas hollered, dashing out the door as a crazed Ness repeatedly bounced up and down, firing a machine gun, laughing like a maniac.

"Hahahahahahah! I LOVE SHOOTING S*** UP!" Ness roared, scratching his butt as he threw a large knockout gas grenade right up on top of the staircase.

"Hmm, what's this?" Samus asked, picking up the object as Zelda rushed over. "Samus, NO!" Zelda hollered, only to face palm as Samus was lying on the floor, sucking her thumb in her sleep. "She really, **really** needs some help." The Hyrulian princess murmured as she dragged the snoozing Samus into her room

"uh, you guys seen Falco anywhere?" Fox asked, as Bowser, Marth, Knuckles and Ike were playing pool at the den

"Nuh-uh. Though he **did** say something about installing a missile launcher…" Bowser trailed before his eyes widened at realization. "way to spill the beans, lizard-butt." Knuckles smirked sarcastically. "WE GOTTA STOP HIM! THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT HE'LL USE IT FOR!" Fox hollered, racing up the stairs, knocking over three vases- and an unaware Peach and Mr. G&W while racing up the emergency ladder to the roof.

"one of these days, I'm going to put a speed limit in this house…" Peach grumbled. Falco stood over the start control of his missile launcher, cackling fiendishly with a deranged look in his eye as his hand reached for the big red button

"FALCO! HOLD IT!" Fox screamed, diving into Falco, knocking him out of the way- and having his elbow push the button. Both instantly shrank into a fetal position as a barrage of large missiles struck and annihilated a nearby woodland village.

"… you're a maniac." Fox growled, as Falco had the **most** insidious, devilish grin on his face as the fires billowed over the trees. "Thank you very much." Falco smirked. Fox then shoved him off the roof where Falco landed headfirst into a pig trough.

"Soooweee! Here pig pig pig! Suweeee!" Link called out, in a farmboy outfit as a large herd of pink swine gathered around the trough. One piglet immediately chomped on Falco's feathered butt.

"OWWWWWWW!" Falco shrieked, clutching his injured rump as he raced into the mansion. "why does Falco have mud on his face and clutching his ass?" Toon Link asked as Tails watched in astonishment

Meanwhile, the living room of the manor was reduced to a torn-down, burnt, bullet-riddled mess thanks to Ness' crazed trigger-happy rampage. The portraits of Peach's relatives were burnt, the large amounts of silverware and dishes were reduced to crystalline lint, and the portrait of Bowser's mother was half-eaten and featured the sketched portrait of a hyena.

"Good Lord! Would you just LOOK at this place?! It's like the freakin SWAT Team burst in here!" Ike gasped irately, as he surveyed the disaster, Zelda entering with a still-sleeping Samus in a sling. "uh… Zelda? Wha-what **is** that?" Ike stammered, his right eye twitching in disgust.

"remember that grenade Ness used at Samus?" Zelda deadpanned, Ike nodding. "well, the funny thing is, not only did it put Samus to sleep, it made **her** act like an overgrown infant! Just **look** what I do now!" Zelda snapped before supporting Samus as she suckled Zelda's breast

"OH MY GAWD! THAT IS **DISGUSTING!**" Ike spat, mortified as he raced into the restroom, retching into the trash can. Zelda shook her head as she had to burp Samus, rolling her eyes.

Meanwhile, Snake had finished stacking the items in his inventory crate and was about to go for a drive on his motorcycle when a drunk and nearly intoxicated Link staggered out.

"haaayyy Snake boy… wha-wha are you… doing?" Link slurred, giving Snake a noogie. Growling in disgust, Snake clobbered the elf over the head with a frying pan. "Drunken elf idiot." Snake murmured, before seeing a furious Zelda behind him, tapping her foot.

"Can you step outside for a minute?" Zelda asked threateningly, holding a large baseball bat. Snake sweated his brow and quickly spat out unintelligible gibberish then jumped into a sewer hole. "I don't know where the hell he even got that." Zelda snorted, walking off, cutting a large rope with her dagger, and causing a large piano to drop on top of Wario.

SMASH!

"Boy, now **that's** going to leave a big mark in the morning…" Wario moaned

Meanwhile, back at the manor housing room, Samus dove out of a bush dressed in secret agent garb, wearing a hosiery mask and holding a revolver. She stealthily slithered through the grass and slunk up through the water drainpipe and entered the manor through the roof, where a flabbergasted Pit watched her in confusion. "what's with the costume? You planning some kinda heist or something?" Pit asked too loudly. Samus instantly zapped Pit with a taser, placed tape over his mouth, tied him to a chandelier and placed a series of booby-traps around the manor.

"huh, what's that? Is that a glow in the dark light?" Marth asked stupidly, stepping over the tripwire…

BOOOOOMMMMMMM!

"what in James Cagney is going **on** here?!" Ganon bellowed, rushing out of the study to gasp in horror as the once-tidy fireplace room was reduced to ashes and shambles, and a dazed and half-burnt Marth swaggered.

"Marth, just **what** have you got to say for yourself, you crazy, irresponsible moron?" Ganon snarled, as Marth planted a big kiss on Ganon's forehead then fell headfirst through the wooden floor, crashing through the kitchen ceiling and landing onto a large bowl of tomato mozzarella soup where Link was currently cooking it.

"well, there goes the food for my banquet." Link moaned, slapping his forehead as he hurled Marth through the wall and straight into Lucario, causing both to trip over a wire, and having two large seventy-pound weights flatten them.

"… will someone clean that mess up?" Samus asked, passing by.


End file.
